I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
