That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
