in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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