she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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