I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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