This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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