I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
