I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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