I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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