Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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