How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
