We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
