Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
dude. I can hear the air.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
