I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
