Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
