For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Randomize
