At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
