I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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