I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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