Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
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