Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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