You can't motorboat a personality
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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