hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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