Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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