You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
