i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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