Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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