I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
