That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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