Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
