dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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