I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're too hungover to prance.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
