They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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