I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
