Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
