sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
