I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
only you would photoshop your dick
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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