What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
