He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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