Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
