my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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