That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
