I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Randomize
