turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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