She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
