i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
