My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
