I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
