well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
