i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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