Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
