Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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