your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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