this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
