from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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